ACT I
ERNXST opens on a bare stage, a typo, and two figures: Wince, Oscar Wilde’s self-appointed custodian, and Slouch, a stagehand who has marked the marquee with an X where the E should be. Oscar Wilde’s 19th-century sitting room rolls into place, and the ensemble assembles costumes and props for the heady business of being exactly who they are (Become Yourself, Track #01) .
The play itself begins with a confession. Algy Moncrieff catches Jax Worthing in a double life: Ernest in town, Jax in the country, with a fictitious reprobate brother to alibi every escape. Algy diagnoses Jax a Bunburyist, the term Algy has invented in the name of their imaginary invalid friend “Bunbury” who excuses Algy of any inconvenient social obligation, and turns the diagnosis into a manifesto (The Socials Today, Track #02) . Left alone, Jax contemplates their own reflection and double life, with an ensemble of Wildes shadowing every move at the mirror (Wider Spectrum, Track #03) .
When Jax’s beloved Gwyn Fairfax (Algy’s cousin) arrives, Gwyn confesses that they could only truly love someone named Ernest (Earnest Love, Track #04) . Jax continues to conceal their real name, and proposes. When Gwyn’s mother Lady Bracknell sweeps in to audit Jax for income, address, and ancestry, she uncovers that Jax was found at Victoria Station as a baby, in a handbag — and vows that their precious Gwyn will never be joined in matrimony with nothing more than a parcel (Born With It, Track #05) !
Back in the countryside, we meet Cecile, Jax Worthing’s ward — eighteen and the active author of their own romance plot (Out Here, Track #06) . Wince is short a tutor and conscripts Slouch into the role of Cecile’s governess Miss Prism, with costume, wig, and scriptbook in hand. Cecile imagines themself into a love affair with their guardian’s never-met sibling who they believe to be named Ernest (but of course who does not actually exist). When Algy arrives, they announce themself to be Jax’s dastardly sibling, and the courtship Cecile has long written about in their diary blooms into reality (Wild, Track #07) .
ACT II
Wince alerts us that we have come to the main event, the centerpiece of Oscar Wilde’s farce, the pinnacle of comedic stakes and mistaken identities: The High English Tea. Slouch and the ensemble watch on, keen for the drama to get thorny. Cecile and Gwyn meet, compare notes, and quickly discover they are engaged to the same person. Wince tries to maintain decorum amidst growing ensemble chaos and literal food fight (Tea Fight, Track #08) . When Algy and Jax burst in, the food-throwing is redirected to the two liars and Cecile and Gwyn exit as best allies.
Gwyn returns and owns their part in all of this. Jax was trying to confess who they really were and Gwyn was so caught up in their own dreams that they weren’t listening. Jax confesses to wanting only to be Gwyn’s Ernest. Gwyn assures them: Jax already is (Tell Me, Track #09) .
Lady Bracknell descends on the country manor, no longer simply gatekeeping but now invading and blocking Gwyn’s match… unless (upon noting Jax’s handsome estate and Cecile’s sizeable inheritance) Jax permits Algy and Cecile to wed (Born With It Reprise, Track #10) . Jax refuses, and just when it looks like all will be lost, Prism enters. Astonished, Lady Bracknell addresses Prism: “Twenty-five years ago you left Lord Bracknell’s house in charge of a perambulator that contained a very precious babe. With this child, you never returned. Prism, where is that child?” Slouch, caught in Prism’s costume, hasn’t read this far into the script and desperately tries to catch up, only to become engrossed in the theatricality of the confession, expounding and expanding the story (What A Shame, Track #11) .
Wince accuses Slouch of betraying Wilde’s text, but Slouch suggests honoring Wilde in our present moment may require a more expansive vision of the play and playwright Oscar Fingle O’Flaherty Wilde (Wider Spectrum (Reprise), Track #12) . In pairs — Jax and Gwyn, Cecile and Algy, Slouch and Wince — the ensemble discovers love to be at the center of it all (Worthy, Track #13) .
The notorious handbag that Jax was found in (left in Victoria Station by none other than Prism!) is brought in and the mystery resolves. As it turns out, Jax is actually Algy’s elder sibling, and was actually christened Ernest all those years ago. They are who they always were. The couples marry. Wince offers to fix the marquee; Jax suggests they keep the X, to signify what is still unknown. The X stays, an invitation for everyone to find exactly who it is they need to be (X Marks The Spot, Track #14) .