The Ballad of Johnny

JEZABEL
He’s just a normal guy.
He’s not a special guy.
He watches foreign films and likes contemporary rock.
He got a call today.
It said he’d have to pay.
A little girl’s in danger and her life’s a ticking clock.
He said,

MAN
“She’s not my kid.”

JEZABEL
But you know what he did.
He’s a reluctant hero but he’s got somewhere to go.
Johnny, where the hell you going?
Your adrenaline is flowing.
Johnny, watch out for disaster.
Better run a little faster.

MAN
That’s all a little bit dramatic. The truth is that I’m really just trying to get by. I graduated a few years ago and I have a few things to figure out. This whole kidnapping thing kind of came as a shock to me.

JEZABEL
He wasn’t ever cool.
Even in middle school.
He had a nasal voice and an imaginary friend.
He went to MIT.
He earned a math degree.
There is no asymptote that Johnny cannot comprehend.
Now he’s an office temp
Who’s smoking too much hemp.
He thought he’d thrown his life away.
He’s just laying low.
Johnny, where the hell you going?
Your adrenaline is flowing.
Johnny, watch out for disaster.
Better run a little faster.
Johnny, what’cha got to say?
How you gonna save the day?

MAN
Well, I don’t know about “save the day.” I mean, at this point I’m really just checking things out. I’ll go to this intersection because I don’t want the kid to get hurt. But beyond that, I think I’ll probably need to, you know, make some more decisions. I don’t really know what those will be.

JEZABEL
Now we know your master plan.
Now you have to prove you can.
He’s just a normal guy.
He’s not a special guy.
And if he fucks it up, then Johnny’s gonna die.

BACKUP
Normal guy.
Special guy.
Fucks it up.
Gonna die.

JEZABEL AND BACKUP
Never cool.
Middle school.
MIT.

BACKUP
Math degree.

JEZABEL
Hey, hey.

JEZABEL AND BACKUP
Normal guy.
Special guy.
Fucks it up.
Going to die.