You Had to Be There

COLUM Jackie - what the hell happened to you? JACK You know - you wouldn’t understand. I’m trembling inside, Just to think of how I almost died. Christ, am I bleeding still? Aye. I am. This here blood is for my country. I thank the Lord. I pray to God in Heaven: Thank you, Lord, for sparing me so I could tell ya How I battled with a dozen thugs, How I schooled ‘em, I wiped the grin right off their mugs. The shots were ringing. The bullets flying. And we were losing. Our lads were dying. You had to be there - Man, if you’d seen it, If you dared to fight, You’d a seen me - A warrior, a great white knight Coming outta nowhere! You had to be there, man! COLUM Sounds terrible, Jack. JACK Terrible! It was biblical. HAL And a dozen thugs, was it? JACK Twenty if it were a dozen. HAL Twenty! How’d you survive it? JACK Twenty-eight of the largest men you ever saw But I couldn’t see a goddamn thing. I was hooded, But didn’t miss a single swing. The men were screaming. And bones were breaking. The bombs exploding, The room was shaking. You had to be there - Man, was I ready to cut down those cunts?   Was I noble? While they were hatching dirty stunts, Was I fightin’ them fair? You had to be there - COLUM Fucking brutal! Worse than I’ve ever seen. JACK (cutting him off) - man! HAL But come off, Jack. You couldn’t been in it alone. These are top brass officers. JACK (ENSEMBLE) Aye. That’s the tragedy of it. While I sound our alarms, (Hum.) The commander standing guard takes a bullet. (Hum.) I hold him in my arms. (Shot down.) His heart is failing. His breath is slowing. He whispers to me, ENSEMBLE MEMBER “You must keep going.” JACK So I keep going, And going! Man, I’ve the spirit of a heavyweight. I’m Goliath. I’m dominating one on eight Coming outta thin air. You had to be there. You had to be there. You had to be there. You had to be there - ENSEMBLE (overlapping with above) And Jack was right there! JACK - man! First a bullet, Then a stabbing, Then the rabid dogs. COLUM Rabid dogs! Sounds more like the bloody furies than orange guard. HAL Are you sure it weren’t the devil himself? JACK Hal, I’d say it’s so. I saw the devil himself. He was coming at me With hate in his eyes And looking around for sinners. I knew in my heart I’d God on my side. I say to him: “I have the spirit. You better fear it.” And dammit. The devil will pay - ENSEMBLE How’d you make him run, Jack? How’d you get it done? JACK - He’ll pay! ENSEMBLE Fight til the fight is won! JACK I can move a mountaintop. I can swim across the sea. All the men and women of Ireland   Come and follow me. ENSEMBLE And we watch in awe As he ascends into the battle. JACK As I take the charge, Ready to conquer. ALL Nothing to fear. Fat Jack is here, Fatter than nine or ten strong Irish men Fighting for freedom again. ENSEMBLE And we watch in awe As he ascends into the battle. He will doff his bonds and he will conquer. Nothing to fear. Fat Jack is here, Fatter than nine or ten strong Irish men Fighting for freedom again. JACK (simultaneous with above) Then I say to the devil, “Fight me for my soul!” And we fight. And I scrape and scud. Then I feel a blow. And I’m splattered with my own blood. I am Christ-like in my sacrifice. As I die, I cry out, “Devil! Damn you!” Even as I’m slain. HAL Jack. JACK “Mother! Father! My death won’t be in vain.” HAL Jack! You ain’t dead. JACK Huh? HAL You trying to tell us you ain’t standing here as I live and breathe? You’re telling us you stood and took on the Devil when you can’t walk down the street for fear of your own shadow? You telling us... COLUM Hal. It’s a bit a good fun. HAL Aye. Fun! Making sport of the real battles that the boys have every day. When they ain’t blindfolded and they can see ‘emselves getting knocked down and bludgeoned by pigs in uniform. You think it’s funny. You think it’s a bit a good fun. JACK I fought ‘em. I fought ‘em. COLUM Jack. It was a pranking. JACK I seen what I seen. HAL You were blindfolded! JACK (ENSEMBLE) I seen what I seen! So I keep going! And going! Man, did I fight ‘em? (Man!) I fought ‘em. And then I ran fast, Heard a blast, Knew that I had got ‘em. (Watch him go.) Now I’m bloody fucking Joan of Arc. I am Jonah without a whale, Inside a shark. And I say the Lord’s Prayer. I never foreswear. Thus I live to tell the story, Bursting outta hell, Rising in a blaze of glory. It’s true! I do! And you, And you, You wish you coulda been there. Jack was telling ‘em where to go. (Jack!) Jack was giving ‘em vertigo. (Jack!) Jackie won it And Jackie done it ‘Cause Jack’s the man who can. (Hey!) Hey! Jack be nimble And Jack be quick. Jack was making ‘em shit a brick. I’M AN IRISH GOD! You had to be there, man!